The answers
to these questions are sometimes difficult. Therefore, each individual who has lost a loved one is suffering through their
own trauma.
We cannot judge anyone based
on how we feel they should overcome it. It is difficult to put a time frame on the grieving process, most people take at least
a year to grieve fully if this is losing a life or someone they love to a violent crime. Grief comes and goes with each person
and sometimes they feel better some days and relapse into sadness and depression on others and there is nothing in particular
that can trigger the change.
Do not expect
the grieving to be over within weeks or months. Great waves of emotion may sweep in for longer than we expect or predict and
gradually the intensity subsides. It may not happen for days, weeks or months after the funeral...and then the relapse begins
again.
Grief may surface at unexpected
times and nothing available to stop it. However, stopping it does not help grief heal. It comes in waves, whether in depression,
frustration, fears or absolute anger... it does happen!
If a loss was from an accident or violent death without preparation, it can take time to unload the guilt or the
anger once it is directed towards another individual who may have been the cause of the death. If a loved one was murdered
or died of a violent crime, until there is closure the person may never get over the grieving.
Bereaved parents who have lost a child at infancy, may feel
upset watching another child at the age of their child's death. The child may have died through an accident or an unpredicted
path. The child may have been a young child or an adult child and succumbed to an illness, commit suicide, been murdered or
died in an accident. As the ocean carried rivers above them, they know they must move on through
this world without that precious flower they wanted to flourish from infancy or through adult life. Well.. it happens. Destiny,
Karma, life .... whatever it is... it is just part of what we have to succumb and unfortunately one cannot predict the discomfort,
challenges or pain tolerance that might intrude in our lives.
What about the bereaved siblings or children when losing a brother, sister or parent? It is all
about healing and dealing with the painful situation of death. Everyone carries a pain tolerance and in this way, our minds
become stronger, we survive the different ordeals that help us to change and to inhale the devastation prospects of our lives.
The goals we had... suddenly were displaced.
We forgot about work, school and our friends then we suddenly died... with our loved one. We wanted to take back the time,
to be there to reach out to them to change the past.
What happened?
Did we turn our
backs on them prior to the death?
Were
we angry at them?
Could we have done something
to change their path?
Was it our fault
that all this happened?
Why did death
cycle to our loved one?
GUILT
sets in heavily into our minds and if not caught in time, the guilt and anger will turn into depression.
